bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
