It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
