He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
