she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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