I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
