You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
