we're blogging at a bar
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
