I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
