He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
