Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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