She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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