idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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