I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
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today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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