You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
