i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
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Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
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I feel like a drive thru vagina
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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