I molested 6 butterflies tonight
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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