I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
