nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
