I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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