remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
