Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
