I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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