People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
