Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
