I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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