those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
