I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you win again, gameday.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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