just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
