What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
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There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
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I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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