you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
