pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
