I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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