He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
