just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
