dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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