At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
