No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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