I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
