Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
