Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
