The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
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It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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