So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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