just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
