I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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