yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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