If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
