That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
