did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
