My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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