I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Found your dick twin last night
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
