Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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