dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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