I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
send nudes
from the living room?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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