Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
