So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
