Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
